I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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