Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize