our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
