I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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