Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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