he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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