just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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