I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
