Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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