The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
