it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
