I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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