never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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