I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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