Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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