drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my poor anus
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
