No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
