i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
