he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
