three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
