yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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