I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
soo... how was my night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
