Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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