Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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