We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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