I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
