totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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