so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
