She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
