the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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