the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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