are you so shy because you have an std?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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