We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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