the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
