Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't motorboat a personality
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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