i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
