I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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