If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
