one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
