Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
