oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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