so that wasnt chicken after all
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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