I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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