ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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