i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
