One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
