Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
