the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
