so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
