I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
