remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
