Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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