No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
