Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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