All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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