hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
