Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
