I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
