I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
