Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
