Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
