you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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