i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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