I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
