I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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