Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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