Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's the barista slut.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
