Apparently you make a good broom.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
