So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
