In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize