Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
