There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Enjoy the penises
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
