I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
